Since Motherland exploded onto our TV screens last month, the conversation about working parenthood has shifted up a gear. Whether you relate to the character parodies or find them slightly absurd, there isn’t a mother I’ve spoken to who hasn’t recognised a bit of their own lives in the narrative.
As a female growing up in the 80s and 90s, I was always supported to believe that I would have a career. That I could be independent and successful in my chosen path. And, for the most part, I have been. Probably a bit of a ‘Julia’, with a slightly non-descript creative consultancy career and a comfortable home life but with far greater marital equity and less rage than the Motherland character enjoys. (I mean, just where is her husband FGS any why hasn’t she left him yet is all I could think as I binge watched on iPlayer…)
What I hadn’t accounted for though was just how hard it would be, nor how increasingly necessary it would become, to maintain my career once our second child was born with disabilities.
With my first, it was easy. At 8 months, she went off to childcare and we both went to work. A small independent nursery followed by a nanny-share, then a regular pre-school, saw her through her early years contentedly. Childcare was easy to come by, if pricey, and I never doubted my ability to return to work.
With a disabled child, there were no childcare options at all.
As well as the absence of childcare, my calendar was overwhelmed with disability related commitments. Orange had no diagnosis so on top of the twice weekly physiotherapy appointments there were diagnostic appointments, medical reviews and assessments to coordinate.
Unable to return to work as planned, we had to sell our home and move in with my mum while we found our feet again.
In the end, it took me almost three years to build up again to full time work. I have only been able to do this because we moved across the country, have family help and both of us have jobs that mean we can work flexibly with just enough frequency to keep all the plates spinning.
But I am one of an extreme minority.
As Sophie Walker, the leader of the Women’s Equality Party and mother to a child with autism says in her piece today for Working Families, we are ‘a small – and very grateful – minority‘ and yet still ‘perpetually worried that it might all fall apart‘.
According to research from Contact A Family, I am one of only 16% of mothers of disabled children who are in paid work, compared to 61% of mothers with typical children.
Women with disabled children, and let’s face it, it is pretty much always women rather than men, are careering out of the workforce at an alarming rate.
- The unavailability of suitable childcare for disabled children.
- The lack of school wrap around care and school holiday care for disabled children.
- The chaos of medical, health, social care and other appointments that the NHS and local authorities are failing to co-ordinate effectively for children with multiple and complex needs.
- Cuts in already too sparse respite care and short breaks for disabled children. And the hilarity of the fact that local authorities will allow families to use these services to ‘have a break’ but we are precluded from using them to enable us to work – to bring in an income, pay the bills and to support our families. So, for many families, the cycle of dependency on the state that they don’t want continues.
- Unavailability of appropriate schooling – The BBC revealed last week in their #BBCsend focus that more and more parents of disabled children are being forced into home schooling because the appropriate schooling for their child’s needs just doesn’t exist.
- Inflexible employers who do not acknowledge that both men and women have a role to play in child care, particularly when there is a disabled child in the family.
- A lack of understanding by employers of carers’ needs and rights in the workplace.
- No provision for paid carers’ leave.
- Tiredness. Caring for a disabled child often means broken sleep, heavy lifting and managing behaviour. Without adequate support, this can leave parents with very little else left to give.
- Ill health. Disability and complex medical needs come with a great deal more time spent in hospital than most.
It’s a complex picture, but certainly the first eight items on the list are surmountable with changes to the law and education, health and social care systems to support us.
It might sound expensive but cost analysis carried out for Working Families by Oliver Wyman showed that even just one small change in employment law – a right to adjustment leave for the parents of disabled children – could result in a potential annual net gain to the economy of up to £500 million.
Working Families wants to hear from parent carers about their experiences of combining work and caring. It will help them to campaign to help more parents to get into or stay in paid work. The more evidence there is, the louder the voice.
If you are a parent carer who works, or who wants to, please fill in their survey by 13 December to have your views included.